Why We Should Preach Proverbs 31 to Everyone

This coming weekend, I have the privilege of being the guest speaker for a ladies’ church retreat. And March just so happens to be Women’s History Month in the US, so I reflected on what to talk about with a group of more than sixty women of all ages. Of course, one text that is much used for such events is Proverbs 31:10-31—an encomium to a wise and productive woman.

In this ode to an exemplary woman, the poet first describes her various tasks. As was valued in most ancient societies, she is credited with being a wool worker which provides for both clothing and bedding. This lady provides food for her household, but not just by cooking. She engages in trade, partnering with merchants to import certain goods. This wise woman further engages in business by purchasing fields and vineyards and overseeing their stewardship and selling the profits made from them. And she teaches what she knows to others to better their lives.

The poet then describes her personality. She is not anxious, because she is prepared and intentional with her time. She is strong and dignified, with a good sense of humor. Moreover, she is happy.

But there is a big problem with using Proverbs 31 to minister to a group of women. I would argue this passage—perhaps unintentionally—has been weaponized against women. This has happened mainly from the false idea that the passage is exclusively for women. Now, you might say, “but it is written explicitly about a woman!?” I’ll show you what I mean.

There are large portions of Proverbs that are written explicitly to a male character. The book begins by addressing “my child” which in Hebrew is “my son” (1:8), and this is repeated throughout the first seven chapters. Moreover, the advice given to the child often uses masculine imagery. For example, wisdom and foolishness are personified as women that the young man will court. Throughout the rest of the letter, more gendered advice is given. For example, adultery is warned against; instead, “be happy with your own wife.” A nagging wife is rued as a life sucking thing, but there is no mention of a nagging husband (and yes, those do exist).

Now here’s the rub. When Proverbs as a whole (not chapter 31:10-31!) is taught, this wisdom book is understood to apply to everyone. Women as well as men understand the pitfalls of unwise living. And even though it is a male character instructed to not engage in wild living, women reading the book get the point that the warnings against adultery, choosing unwise friends, and rejecting wisdom apply to them.

So, if the whole book is intended for women as well as men, why isn’t Proverbs 31 taught to men? What wouldn’t apply to men as well as women? Shouldn’t a good man consider and care for his family and community? Shouldn’t he make thoughtful decisions and use his resources wisely? Shouldn’t he bring honor to his partner? I think we would all agree that of course he should!

And the really big problem with this interpretation is that the passage ends up doing damage to women rather than praising them. The woman in Proverbs 31 becomes an ideal that women must live up to not only for wise living, but to prove their godliness. In addition to all the visible and invisible responsibilities that women carry, we are gifted a passage that seems like a list of unattainable credits. Look at this woman who is beautiful, financially savvy, a pillar of the community, an excellent mother, a hard worker, and keeps a perfect home! When this passage is directed only at women, it becomes a basis of comparison and tool of shame rather than an inspiration.

So, you want to honor women with Proverbs 31? Preach it to everyone! Have it be the subject of a men’s bible study or prayer group. Challenge everyone to live up to the example of a wise, dignified person who does their best for their family and community. May we be Proverbs 31 people!