Hearing Hearts

Recently, my husband was hospitalized for an acute condition (he’s fine, please don’t worry). Interestingly, he was treated at the very hospital where he works as a palliative care social worker. While certainly not an ideal way to gain insight from a patient’s perspective, his several-day stay gave him a new understanding of how care is perceived and experienced. 

One of the more humorous realizations (at least from my perspective) was how people can listen and yet not truly listen at the same time. Upon being admitted to the hospital, Adam was asked a series of questions so the staff could identify any additional health concerns beyond the acute issue. One question was, “Do you snore?” Yes, he does. The follow-up question was, “Do you ever stop breathing while you’re sleeping?” No, he does not. 

However, answering “yes” to the first question seemed to override the second. The nurse skipped over his answer and instead asked, “When were you diagnosed with sleep apnea?” But he has never been diagnosed with sleep apnea—because he does not stop breathing while he sleeps. 

Over the next few days, respiratory therapists, pulmonologists, and concerned nurses visited his room, all wondering where his CPAP machine was (he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t have sleep apnea!). It quickly became a running joke between the two of us. 

The issue, you see, was that the intake nurse (a lovely person, by the way) wasn’t listening to our answers—she was listening for certain answers. Once she heard that my husband snores, she began treating him as someone with sleep apnea, since snoring and sleep apnea often occur together. She was listening for expected responses rather than listening to the full response that was actually given. 

Ironically, when people listen this way—listening for instead of listening to—they usually do it in the name of efficiency.Give me the bullet points. Tell me the headline. Let me quickly understand what I need to know. Yet this approach often becomes inefficient. In this case, multiple specialists were summoned and tasked with addressing a problem that didn’t exist. 

This happens in many areas of life: work, relationships, church, society. We listen for the bullet points yet still misunderstand the project or the person. The only way to truly grasp the big idea or the headline is by listening to everything in between. 

One of my favorite stories in the Bible—often misunderstood—is about Solomon when he becomes king. God comes to Solomon and offers to grant any request the young king makes. Nearly every Bible I’ve seen titles this story, “Solomon Asks for Wisdom.” But that is not exactly what here quests. The Hebrew text says that Solomon asked God for “a listening heart” (1 Kings 3:9). 

Later in the story, the biblical writers do attribute wisdom to Solomon (1 Kings 3:28). At some point, he clearly possesses wisdom. But Solomon’s initial request was not for wisdom itself—it was for the capacity to become wise. He did not ask to be instantly endowed with wisdom. Instead, he asked for the proper equipment and training needed to learn it. 

Interestingly, when Solomon asks God for “a heart that hears,” there is no direct object completing the phrase. He does not ask for a heart that hears something specific. In other words, Solomon is not asking to listen only for certain things while ignoring others. He is not asking to hear what he expects or assumes and disregard everything else. 

Solomon’s story exposes a lie our culture often tells us: that we do not have time to truly listen. We believe we are too busy to slow down and hear something from beginning to end. We watch YouTube videos and listen to podcasts at double speed. We multitask and double-book. We skim books and articles rather than linger over the words. And we do all of this in the name of efficiency, hoping to maximize understanding. Yet we often consume much and understand little. We acquire knowledge, but we do not become wiser. 

If we are to participate in manifesting God’s kingdom of peace on earth, it will not come through simply producing or gaining more knowledge. We already have plenty of knowledge—and plenty of strife. If God’s kingdom comes, it will come through God’s wisdom. And wisdom begins with listening hearts.